>You are Anon, of Barbaria.
>The walk to Sugarcube Corner is a quiet one. Nop0ny in sight as far as the eye can see.
>As you approach the entrance of the bakery, you pause.
>Pinkie Pie works here.
>You remember what you just experienced at Rarity's…
>The aftertaste still lingers on your tongue.
>It would be safe to assume that Pinkie is going to be worse.
>You take time to collect your thoughts before going through the door, readying yourself for the coming storm.
>Don't Panic.
>With those reassuring words echoing in your mind, you open wide the door.
 
>Pastries there, and nothing more.
>You walk up to the counter and ring a small call bell near the register.
>You hear somep0ny approaching the counter.
>As the the sound reaches the doorway to the kitchen, you throw your arms up in a defensive position, cradling your head and clenching your eyes shut.
>…
>"Um, Anon, what are you doing?"
>Huh?
>You lower your arms to see Mr. Cake standing at the register.
>Phew...
>Wait…
>MR. Cake?
>But Twilight said that all the stallions are sent away during Estrus…
>Was she mistaken?
>Wait again…
"I came to get food, but can I use your bathroom first?"
>"Uh, sure. It's right over there."
>Mr. Cake looks at you, confused, then points to a door on the far side of the room.
>You thank him and dash into the restroom, locking the door behind you.
>You look in the mirror.
>The brand had mirrored Fluttershy's cutie mark this morning, when you were alone with her.
>And it had shown Rarity's after seeing her…
>Was your earlier theory true?
>Could it change to reflect the p0nies around you?
>You hold your breath as you stretch the neck of your shirt down.
>…
>Three diamonds stare back at you.
>Last you checked, Mr. Cake was a baker.
*Sigh*
>You release your new shirt's neck.
>So much for that theory...
>You unlock the door and return to the counter.
>Mr. Cake walks back out of the kitchen and glances nervously at you.
>"Are you ok, Anon?"
>…
>You don't know how to answer…
>You break out the awkward smile.
"Ye- yeah…"
>The two of you stand in silence for a brief moment. Neither of you were the particularly chatty type.
"I heard that you were having a sale on ice cream?"
>Mr. Cake perks up at this.
>"Oh yes! What flavor would you like?"
>You think.
>Vanilla is your favorite…
>Rarity flashes across your mindscape.
>Her scent… Vanilla…
"Chocolate would be nice."
>You hate chocolate ice cream.
>Mr. Cake smiles at you.
>"Coming right up!"
>As he gets your cold dairy treat, you decide to get some information.
"Hey, Mr. Cake?"
>"Hmm? What is it, Anon?"
"…"
"Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here?"
>He leans his head to the side.
>"What do you mean?"
"Twilight told me that all stallions are sent away during Estrus, but if you're here, that can't be true."
>He laughs.
>Oh~ that. Well, it's because I'm married."
"What?"
>You are about to press him further when the kitchen door is thrown open.
>Reflexively, you cover your head and try to defend yourself.
>…
>"Um, Anon, what are you doing?"
>Huh?
>You lower your arms to see Mrs. Cake standing beside Mr. Cake.
>Phew…
>You exhale in relief.
>Then you take a sharp breath as a pang rings through your chest.
>Mr. Cake smiles at you and lets out a small chuckle.
>"Oh, nothing dear. We were just joking with each other."
>Nice cover Carrot.
>"Well, sorry to interrupt you stallions."
>Mrs. Cake looks at her husband.
>"Dear, when you get the chance, I need your help in the kitchen."
>She slaps Mr. Cake on his flank and walks out.
>Mr. Cake watches his wife's flank as she leaves, biting his lip.
>"Anon, when a stallion enters a relationship, his mare can 'claim' him."
>"Claim?"
>"Yes, it's a scent that lets other mares know that a stallion is spoken for."
>Mr. Cake looks like he's having a hard time not running after his wife. He continues to stare at the kitchen door while he talks.
>"Because of this, stallions who are married or in a long-standing relationship are allowed to stay at home during Estrus."
>The amber earth p0ny gives you your ice cream.
"Thanks…"
>You still have no bits on you.
"How much do I owe you?"
>Mr. Cake is already blasting through the kitchen door.
>"On the house, Anon!"
>You'd say it was your lucky day…
>But it wasn't.
>As you exit the bakery, something collides with your stomach, pushing you back inside and causing you to lose your grip on the ice cream.
>You fall to the ground, something heavy resting on your chest.
>"Hey Anon. What are you doing?!"
>Shit, so close.
>You chest burns as you open your eyes, becoming aware of the mink menace shaking excitingly on top of you.
"Hey Pinkie I-"
*Splat*
>Your ice cream lands on your face.
>You wipe your eyes and see an ice cream smudge on the ceiling.
>"Ohmygosh, Anon. I'msososososososososososorry!"
>Pinkie leans down and begins to lick your face, cleaning some of the confectionary treat off.
>"Mmm!"
*Gulp*
>Pinkie swallows audibly.
>She speaks in a sultry voice.
>"Salty~."
>She assails your face with renewed vigor, slurping and sucking.
>Oh God, no…
>Her flat tongue laps at the sweet treat, covering you in spit.
>Not again…
>You struggle against Pinkie's efforts, but are held down.
>"Just wait Anon, I'm al~most done."
*Thump-thump*
>You relax as she continues her assault.
>…
>But why?
>…
*Slurp* *Slurp* *Sluuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrp*
>…
*GULP*
>"Ahhh~~~"
>It sounds like she just came.
>Pinkie sits on your chest, staring at the ceiling.
>"Anon…"
"Ye-Yes?"
>"There's still ice cream on the ceiling…"
>You blink in disbelief.
>THAT is what she wants?!
>Somewhere deep inside, you feel your pride crack.
>You pick Pinkie Pie up and pitch her precariously at the ceiling.
*Slam*
>Pinkie's face sticks to the spot where the ice cream was.
>Her body dangles limply, like some kind of glow worm hanging from a cave.
*Pop*
>Pinkie releases her suction on the ceiling.
>She falls to the ground, performing several summersaults and landing on all fours.
>"Ta-da!"
>Confetti explodes out of nowhere and covers the room as Pinkie strikes a dramatic pose.
>You just stare.
>...
*Beep* *Beep*
>The noise causes you to glance at your phone.
>10:31 AM
>…
>15% Battery left.
>Shouldn't have played those games in an attempt to alleviate your depression last night.
>Especially since it didn't help...
>"Hey, Anon."
>Your eyes snap back to the pink p0ny.
"Yeah?"
>"Are you OK? You look pretty bad… Oh no! Is it because I ate your ice cream?!"
>She looks like she's about to cry.
>You rush to calm her down, her tears are renowned for their plentious nature.
"No, no. I just have a lot to do today is all."
>You let out an exasperated sigh.
"And I need to go see Twilight again, but…"
>"But what?"
>She stares intently at you.
"She told me to stay away while she's… you know..."
>Her head tilts quizzically to the side.
"In Estrus."
>Pinkie giggles.
>"Oh right, I almost forgot! That is this week!"
>Almost forgo-
"Are you not-?"
>"N~ope!"
>She strikes another pose.
>"My cycle isn't until next week!"
>There's some kind of bizarre shuffle dancing going on in front of you.
>Because Pinkie.
>...
"I'm done."
>You walk to the door.
>Pinkie follows talking about pickles and trying to draw stuff for you.
>Before you exit she shoves a piece of paper into your face.
>A lone "O" is displayed in the center.
"I- I don't-"
>She draws a slash through the "O" at an angle.
>A Zero, maybe?
"…"
"I don't understand, Pinkie. I'm sure someone will, but I just don't get it."
>With that you're bound for the library.
 
>You arrive at the library a few minutes later.
>You reach up to knock on the door, but stop yourself.
>Will she be mad?
>Was it just an emotional episode, or something more…
>You knock on the door.
>…
>No answer.
>You knock harder.
"Twilight! Are you home?"
>…
>Still nothing.
>You ready your fist for another round of knocking, but are halted by the sudden appearance of a blue pegasus.
>"What's cookin', good lookin'?"
"Rainbow…"
>This pain in your chest…
>Again?
>Dash grins at you.
>"Aren't you supposed to be helping AJ? She's going to tear you a new one!"
"Right…"
>You take one last longing look at the library, then leave.
 
>Rainbow accompanies you on the trek to the farm.
>Though you are talking, you pay little attention to what is said.
>That pain has afflicted you whenever you were alone with another p0ny…
>No…
>MR. Cake didn't give you that pang.
>…
>But MRS. Cake did.
>Could it be…
"Mares?"
>"What's that, Anon?"
>Rainbow Dash hovers in front of you, staring into your eyes.
>The smell of fresh rain washes over you.
"Nothing, sorry."
>You end your internal queries, choosing to converse with Dash for the rest of the journey.
 
>"TWO CELESTIA DARN DAYS!"
>Applejack was not happy about you being late again.
>"IS IT SO HARD TO GET HERE ON TIME?!"
>Not happy at all.
"I'm sorry, Applejack. I've had a rough morning…"
>"Well so have Ah."
>She jabs your stomach, knocking the wind out of you.
>"Ah have th' entire south orchard ta buck before next week. If Ah had your attitude, Sweet Apple Acres 'd be bankrupt quicker than a timber wolf chasing a little filly."
>She stares you down.
>You avert your eyes and smile awkwardly.
"I- I'll just get to work."
>"Yes ya will, and ya WON'T come back up from that there room till Ah say you can."
*Thump-thump*
>You have a sinking feeling that today is only going to get worse.
>"Hey AJ, got a sec?"
>Rainbow Dash talks to Applejack as you head to the cellar.
>As you descend the stairs, you hear AJ shout.
>"That prissy p0ny said she did WHAT?!"
>You can't hear the rest as you close the cellar doors and head to the small office.
>Your phone displays the time.
>11:15 AM
>To preserve power, you decide to shut off your phone for the time being.
>You sigh as you sit down and begin to work.